


Headcanon meme responses

by SnubbingApollo



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Childhood, Domestic, Fights, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Pet Names, Shovel Talk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 21:29:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 4,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4408403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnubbingApollo/pseuds/SnubbingApollo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of responses to headcanon meme prompts. </p>
<p>Some are about KremDorian some are about Krem in general.</p>
<p>Basically this is a depository for my Krem and OTP feels lol</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 36 general, NSFW, and modern AU questions from Allmuckledup

**Krem Miscellaneous:**

**1\. Do you think Krem’s parents are still alive?**

I do I definitely do. I think he doesn’t know where his father is after he became a slave but I definitely think he keeps up with his mother.

**2\. Do you think Krem sends money to his mother?**

Absolutely. The opening scene of Thicker Than Water has him doing just that. I headcanon Krem’s parents as pretty loving and supportive (canon says he used to pretend to shave with his father) and I think he cares about them a lot and does what he can to help them.

**3\. How long do you think it takes Krem to get ready in the morning?**

Krem is a pretty early riser. He’s still used to it from his time in the military and he gets ready pretty quickly too. Because of that he’s usually the one to make breakfast for the other Chargers. His eggs are to die for.

**4\. What kind of pet do you think Krem would get?**

I feel like Krem isn’t really a pet kind of guy. He travels too much. Until the Chargers settle in skyhold and one day he happens across a kitten shivering and wet after a storm, hiding under a bush in the gardens. He loves that kitten to death. She becomes the Chargers unofficial mascot. 

**5\. Does Krem enjoy riding horses, or is it just a necessary thing?**

Krem loves his stallion. He’d barely even seen horses in Tevinter, living in the city, and the idea of owning one had been absurd. When he’d joined the Chargers and gotten one of his own he’d had to struggle a bit to keep the awe off his face. Bull teases him sometimes about how Krem spoils him, always in the stables brushing him and sneaking him apples and sugar cubes. 

**6\. What hobbies (besides sewing) do you think Krem has?**

He loves playing cards, either with the Chargers or just solitaire by himself. He and the Bull play chess in their heads sometimes while their traveling. He absolutely knits, thank you thekingofcarrotflower for that one. He’s also excellent at throwing knives, and loves to have contests with Dalish. 

**7\. Do you think Krem can drink Bull under the table?**

I think he can, and does, regularly try. He came close once. Bull was starting to sway noticeably before Krem threw up. IT usually gives them both such horrendous hangovers though, that the attempts are saved for special occasions. 

**8\. Do you think he would WANT to drink Bull under the table?**

Absolutely. He’s well aware of the fact that really it’s a battle of differing masses but that will NEVER stop him from trying. 

**9\. What sort of date do you think Krem would like?**

He would just be the sweetest sweet. I think he’d be a little nervous actually asking you out but once he knew you were interested his confidence would come back. He’s probably a dinner and drinks kind of guy, and he’d rather pay, but if you’re not into that he's up for splitting the check. He’d tell you you look nice and maybe hold your hand, stroke his thumb back and forth over your palm. 

**10\. What’s Krem’s favorite non-alchoholic drink?**

Fruit juice. His family could never afford juice growing up and he loves it. His favorite is orange but he;ll drink any really. 

**11\. What’s his guilty pleasure food?**

Chocolate. Every time the Chargers end up in Orlais he has to get some. It’s just so decadent and frivolous. They even have kinds with fruit flavored cream in the center! 

**12\. What do you think he misses most about home (if anything)?**

Krem doesn’t often get nostalgic for the Imperium. His life there wasn’t that great. His family was poor and they had nothing. But when he does get homesick it’s for his parents. His father’s smile and his mother’s singing. He remembers the way they always made sure he had enough to eat even when it meant they went without. How he always had shoes on his feet even when they had to scrape for the money. He remembers being loved. 

**13\. Who do you ship him with outside of the inner circle?**

So I basically headcanon that the Chargers are all fucking each other on a pretty regular basis. Like just a giant puppy pile of polyamorous best friend sex. Also Krem/Harding is adorable. 

**14\. What do you think he’d smell like?**

Oh God Oh God. It is EMBARRASSING how much time I have spent contemplating this. I have deep thoughts about what Krem would smell like. He’d have a sort of a spice smell, maybe like cinnamon or cloves. And under that there’d be traces of metal from his armor, and oil from the polish he uses to clean it, and maybe sweat if he’d been practicing recently and just omg. I need a moment. 

**15\. If he could buy his father back, do you think he would?**

In a fucking heartbeat. He doesn’t tell anyone but he keeps a sack of whatever money he can put aside hidden in his pack. Someday he’s going to mail it all to his mother with a note that says ‘Get him back.’ 

**16\. What does he dream about?**

He doesn’t think about the future too often, but when he does what he pictures changes. Sometimes he imagines going home, living with his parents again. Or maybe buying them passage out of the hell hole. Setting them up in Fereldan somewhere on a nice stretch of farmland. Other times he pictures himself with someone else. No one specific (unless he’s currently in a relationship). Older, weapon leaning against a wall collecting dust, just a simple life with someone he loves. 

**17\. Would he tell a good dirty joke, if prompted?**

He tells them unprompted. 

**NSFW/Romance:**

**18\. Be honest, on a scale of pillow to diamond, how “rock hard” do you think his ass is?**

You know I think his ass would have to be pretty firm just based on how much exercise he gets and how much he swings that damn maul around, but also? I think it has just a little give, just enough to sink your fingers or your teeth into you know? 

**19\. Do you think he gets around?**

see the Chargers’ puppy pile of polyamorous best friend sex. Also even if that’s not going on he and the Bull have ABSOLUTELY fucked. They may not be in a relationship but they did the do at least once. I feel like he’s really comfortable in his own skin and pretty confident and also a serious looker so I can’t imagine him being really celibate. 

**20\. What’s his ideal strap-on cock (or cocks) made of?**

It changes based on what mood he’s in and what his partner prefers. He’s got one that’s made of wood, another that’s wrapped in softened leather, and a third that’s made out of glass that Bull bought him in Orlais as a gag gift. It’s secretly his favorite. 

**21\. Do you think he’s good with his hands in bed?**

yes. yes yes and yes. Krem’s fingers are long and his palms are calloused from swinging his maul, but not rough. Unless that’s what his partner is into. 

**22\. What do you think his kinks are?**

headcanon Krem as pretty dominant. He’s a talker, loves to whisper all sorts of things in his partners’ ears and he likes to leave marks. He likes to tie people up. Blindfolds are good too. Not gags though, he wants to hear his partners. He LOVES begging. 

**23\. Would he ever get rough with a lover, or would he be more gentle?**

I think he prefers to be gentle but he’s down for roughness if you ask nicely enough. 

**24\. Do you think he’s ever slept with the other Chargers?**

Puppy pile. Of. Polyamorous. Best friend sex. 

**25\. If he were to romance another soldier, would rank be an issue with him, or more of a turn-on?**

I think he’d be a little worried if he outranked them. he’d have to make sure they knew he didn’t expect anything from them and they could say no to anything at any time with no consequences. If they outranked him he’d have to make sure they knew they didn’t in the relationship. They’d have to be equals or it wouldn’t work. 

**Modern AU:**

**26\. What job do you think he’d have?**

hmm private security maybe? Like for politicians or banks or something. 

**27\. What nationality do you headcanon him as?**

So Tevinter is such a weird mish-mash of different nationalities? It’s sort of like the late Roman Empire meets Renaissance Italy meets the Middle East meets India. I think he’s probably Middle Eastern, but more specific than that and I get a little hand wavey. 

**28\. Would he transition with hormones?**

I think he would. It’s canon that he used to pretend to shave with his father so I think its safe to say he wants facial hair. 

**29\. House or apartment?**

I think he’d want an apartment. I think a house would feel too extravagant for just him. Maybe if the other Chargers lived there with him. 

**30\. Do you think he’d be a celebrity of sorts?**

I don’t think he’s all that interested in fame. I think he’d be happy just to live his life simply and I think the spotlight would make him uncomfortable. 

**31\. How do you think he gets around (transportation)?**

I think he’d have a car. He may also be saving up for a motorcycle. 

**32\. Would he be in any support groups?**

Maybe one for Trans men. If he’s ex-military he’d definitely be in one for veterans. 

**33\. What sort of music do you think he’d like?**

He’d be a soft rock man, but he also really likes rap. His favorites would be Imagine Dragons, Mumford and Sons, and Nicki Minaj. 

**34\. What do you think he does with his free time?**

I think he’d read a lot. Sci-fi mostly. he watches Game of Thrones religiously and he has this local dive bar he spends his nights at sometimes. The bartender’s a giant of a guy who saved him from getting beat up in the alley but a bunch of drunk assholes a few years back. He has a soft spot for him and sometimes Krem gets his drinks for free. 

**35\. Do you think he’d ever have (adopted) kids?**

I think Krem would love to adopt kids. It’s definitely part of the plan once he gets his life settled and he feels like he’s at a stable enough place. 


	2. Domestic Headcanons for Flowerqueenmerril

hmmm let’s see.

Krem is a cuddler. He will wrap himself around you like an octupus. He’s also really neat and organized, hold over from the army. He’s an okay cook and an early riser so he makes/fetches breakfast. He’s horrible when he’s sick. Basically just wants to curl up in a ball and die, even if it’s just a little cold. He always sleeps on the side of the bed closest to the door. If someone barges in he wants to be between them and whoever he’s sharing with.

Since Krem is an early riser he’s also usually the first to bed. This tends to lead to him curled up against Dorian’s chest while the mage reads. 

Krem is pretty neat and organized. Once Krem and Dorian move in together their room becomes cluttered with books, all in various states of read and unread, with markers sticking out of them. Sometimes Krem sighs or gives a token complaint about the mess but secretly he loves it. Dorian is so careful about his things otherwise. He stakes out small corners of the room as his own to put his things in and is really careful not to let them spread into Krem’s things. The warrior loves seeing those little signs of Dorian presence strewn everywhere.


	3. KremDorian headcanon for Youji-burgers

Hmm what shall I tell you, my dear? How about this?

Once Krem finds out how unused to affection Dorian is he starts leaving him little notes all over. In their room, in his alcove in the library. They say things like “I love your eyes”, and “waking up next to you is amazing” and “I hope you’re having a good day” signed with his name. After a few weeks of this Krem picks up his armor to polish it one night and a scrap of paper flutters onto the floor. When he unfolds it it reads

“You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, -Dorian”


	4. 5 KremDorian questions from Anon

**1\. How do you think they handled the topic of Krem being trans? Was Dorian accepting right off the bat, or was there some awkward conversations and fumbling?**

I think Dorian tried to be really accepting. Certainly he accepted the concept right off the bat. There was a bit of awkwardness at first because he was terrified of doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong thing and hurting or otherwise upsetting Krem, but after a while he calmed down and went back to treating to Krem like he had before and things settled down. The first time they had sex had a few bumbles in it but nothing they couldn’t laugh off. They’ve sense learned each other better and are familiar each other’s wants and limits.

**2\. What sorts of tension (if any) have the two’s vastly different Tevinter upbringings and eventual careers caused?**

It comes up occasionally. Dorian will say something thoughtless and Krem will point out he’s being a tool. Dorian means well and he’s trying to be better and Krem knows that but sometimes he speaks without thinking.

**4\. How do the Chargers treat Dorian?**

The Charger’s accept Dorian into the fold with barely a second thought. There was some initial suspicion but once they get to know him he’s welcomed with open arms. Dorian will never stop marveling at the way they just made a space for him as though his spot in the group was already there just waiting for him to find them and fill it.

**5\. Do you think Bull (who seems really protective of Krem) had a sort of big brother talk with Dorian?**

Early in Dorian and Krem’s relationship the Bull invites Dorian to his room for a drink. When Dorian gets there the other Chargers are there too, all except for Krem. They pour Dorian his drink and they all talk for a long time. The conversation is light and humorous like always but keeps swinging back to how the Charger’s take care of their own. and how much they all value Krem. Skinner is sharpening one of her knives. Dorian leaves that gathering more than a little intimidated but pleased Krem has such good friends.


	5. The Chargers' Puppy Pile of Polyamourous Best Friend Sex TM for Constant-Wisher

Oh man so this is one I haven’t really fleshed out yet.

Basically the Chargers are just really close. They’d all die for each other and a few have come close to doing so, so their interpersonal boundaries are just non existent at this point.

Some of them are paired off. Skinner and Dalish have been a thing for as long as anyone remembers and Krem and Bull have had an on again off again something since they met.

When they’re on the road they have separate tents, though really, who’s in whose tent is anyone’s guess at any given time, but when they’re at their HQ (which we never see but they pretty much have to have) they basically pile a bunch of mattresses and pillows on the floor and sleep in a giant cuddle pile. 

The sleeping order and who’s next to whom changes up with a few exceptions. Dalish and Skinner are always curled around each other, Grim is always in the middle, Rocky HAS to sleep on his side or he snores up a fucking STORM and Krem is always on one of the Bull’s sides.


	6. Questions from TheKingofCarrotFlower/Heybulldawg

**Things Krem does that bother Dorian/piss him off:**

So when Krem gets upset, he shuts down. He doesn’t want to talk about it and if you pester him about it he lashes out. He can get pretty nasty when he’s protecting his wounds and it’s led to some pretty serious fights. He also has a pretty acerbic sense of humor. Most of the time that’s okay but sometimes he says something or makes a joke that strikes a nerve and pisses Dorian right off.

Basically it comes down to them handling relationship stress REALLY differently. Dorian wants to solve it RIGHT NOW because he’s always irrationally afraid that this is it. This is the fight that ends them. And Krem knows he’s a jerk when he’s angry and just needs time God dammit. 

The time he gets pissed and calls Dorian clingy is the worst.

**Krem's age and how it affects his relationship with Dorian if at all:**

I’ve always imagined Krem as 25 or 26. Since Dorian is 30 at the start of Inquisition that makes him 4 or 5 years Krem’s senior. It’s a little odd for Dorian at first as he’s used to relationships with older men but Krem doesn’t bat an eyelash about it.

**Do you think Dorian & Krem speak in Tevene or Common when they're in private? If not, what do they talk in Tevene? To gossip or talk super quickly behind Bull's back because maybe Bull knows a decent amount of Tevene but when they get talking quickly and using slang it's hard to keep track of.**

I think Dorian and Krem speak Tevene when their alone or trying to have a private conversation. At first Dorian enjoys it because the sound of them conversing fluently visibly makes the few people in Skyhold still giving them a hard time nervous. Later he likes it because it feels theirs, something that’s just for them.

Krem, being of the lower classes, uses more and more varied slang than Dorian does. It takes a bit for him to work out the meanings of some of the phrases and sometimes Krem has to explain for him, but after a while he finds them appearing in his own speech. 

The Bull’s Tevene is limited to battle commands and other things one would hear spoken in war, but even if it wasn’t he’d never listen in on Krem and Dorian’s private conversations even when he hears enough to know they’re about him, he’s not deaf thank you very much. These protests usually just send the two laughing completely unrepentantly.


	7. The shovel talk from Iron Bull for Fuck-Arl-Eamon

**Do you think Bull would do the whole "So what are your intentions with my lieutenant?" spiel with Dorian?**

Oh my god yes. He’d be casual about it, not overtly threatening or anything, but through the whole conversation he’s standing just a little too close, almost looming really, and there’s something in his eye that makes Dorian swallow nervously.

After Dorian explains that he means well and cares for Krem and has no intention of hurting him thank you very much Bull just smiles wide, claps Dorian on the shoulder and says,

“Good, good.” before inviting him for a drink with the chargers later that night. Dorian is left feeling vaguely uneasy for no reason he can really pin down.


	8. Perfect date/pet names for Kafzielakai

Krem and Dorian are pretty simple as far as dates go. A nice meal in the gardens is about as fancy as they get, though Dorian makes sure to include lots of fruit. On one memorable evening, Dorian blindfolded Krem and fed him all different kinds of fruit and had him guess what each one was. He got a kiss every time he guessed correctly.

Krem calls Dorian Mellitus, "honey sweet", or occasionally Carissimus, which means "Darling". Dorian calls Krem Amatus at every opportunity. He still can’t believe he’s allowed to use that word and mean it.


	9. Krem getting the shovel talk for Sweettart-Cosplay

**Who do you headcanon as giving Krem the shovel talk?**

The inquisitor. 

Completely regardless of who they are. 

Maybe they take Krem aside and casually remind him that they have nearly unlimited power at their disposal and it would be pretty foolish to upset people they care about. Maybe they sit him down and tell him how much they care about Dorian and how upset they’ll be if anyone were to hurt him. Maybe they remind Krem that they remember what it’s like to see Dorian with his heart broken and they don’t want to see it again anytime soon. Maybe they just look him straight in the eye and say a simple, “Take care of him.” the “or else” hovering unspoken at the end of the sentence.


	10. Happy Kremdorian Headcanon for Caiat00n

A few months after the defeat of Corypheus, while the Inquisition is still being invited to various celebrations in honor of their victory, Dorian finally gathers up the courage to ask and he and Krem attend their first ball as a couple.

They dress to match, in the Tevinter style of course, Krem in gold and Dorian in black. They’re announced together and they enter together arm in arm.

They’re the talk of the night of course, but all anyone has to say is how handsome they look together. They end up with a flock of admirers to rival Cullen’s, all tittering and wanting to know how long they’ve been together, and how they met, and did you fight together goodness that would be a sight to see! 

One particularly forward Count even asks if they’ve ever considered taking a third into their bed. Krem nearly chokes on his wine at the question and it’s left to Dorian to turn the man down, informing him that no, he’s never wanted anyone else since he met Krem, which of course sets the crowd off again, cooing at how romantic it all is.

Dorian’s smile as they dance (right there on the floor! In front of everyone!) is wide and full of joy. Krem thinks he’s never looked more beautiful. He tells him that right before he dips him and gives him a gentle kiss.


	11. Sleep Headcanon, sex headcanon, and family headcanon for Allmuckledup

☾ - sleep headcanon 

Dorian is almost always the little spoon. He can go either way really but Krem loves having the mage wrapped in his arms, nuzzling into the back of his neck, pressing close to him.

✿ - Sex headcanon 

They are loud. Between Dorian moaning and Krem talking they can really raise a racket. They’ve gotten used to occasional drunken commentary from the tavern under Krem’s room. 

♥ - family headcanon 

Neither of them are sure how they feel about children. Krem doesn’t know what he thinks of the idea beyond I Am Absolutely Under No Circumstances Having Biological Kids Period, The End. The war left a lot of orphans though and maybe that would be alright.

The mere thought of raising a child makes Dorian quake in his boots. On the one hand he thinks sometimes of how wonderful it would be; to watch a child grow, to teach them and care for them. 

Then he thinks of all the ways it could go wrong. The myriad of little and not so little ways in which he could hurt a child that was dependent on him. Say the wrong thing at the wrong time, pay a little too much or not enough attention. He thinks of his father and of waking up one morning and realizing with a dawning horror that he’s become him.  
They talk about it sometimes, and the conclusion is always the same. 

Maybe some day.


	12. Sad Headcanon and Childhood headcanon for Anon

★ - sad headcanon 

It’s a sunny day when it happens. Warm with the first touch of Summer in the air. Dorian spends most of the day in a daze, not truly comprehending what’s happened. It doesn’t truly hit him until he;s writing the letter to the Bull. He’d always thought he would die before Krem. He was older and Krem was always so healthy, even know with his face wrinkled and his hair grey and a limp in his step. To think that he’s gone.

He buries Krem next to the garden, under the willow tree they’d planted just after settling in the house. It’s tall now, it’s weaving branches casting a wide swath of cooling shade onto the ground. Krem had loved that tree. Some time later Bull finally arrives. He stands in the door looking strong and sad and finally Dorian can cry.

▼ - childhood headcanon 

Neither of them remember it, it was so long ago. Dorian was ten and Krem was seven. He was shopping with his father, and they’d stopped at a tailor’s booth in the market. Dorian’s eyes wandered as his father browsed through the bolts of cloth and he caught the eye of the child siting on the counter. he was staring at Dorian’s stuffed dragon. Dorian looked down at it. It was the red one, slightly worn for being carried everywhere. Dorian’s parents had started to give him looks when he left the house with it. Looks that said “too old” and “childish”.

Dorian looks back the other child and frowns. His clothes are more worn than the dragon is, ragged in places and his shoes look like they’ve been patched many times. Dorian thinks he probably doesn’t have many toys.

He slips away from his father and walks over to stand in front him, holding the dragon out.

“I’m too old for him now. Do you want him?” he asks. The child on the counter gives a small nod and tentatively takes the dragon from Dorian hugging it close. 

“His name is Crem,” Dorian tells the child gravely, before turning to go back to his father’s side. When he leaves the boy is still clutching the dragon close, small hands making the wings flap.


End file.
